Three Alarm Cellars Red

I'm sometimes fascinated by the inspiration for certain wines. Three Alarm Cellars, for example. Why call a wine Three Alarm Cellars? Why the firefighting motif? "Three Alarm" is a moniker I'd typically expect to see attached to chili, not an alcoholic beverage, so I'm a little puzzled. Are firefighters typically wine drinkers?

I've searched the web now for at least five-minutes and I've cobbled together some semblance of an answer. Three Alarm Cellars is the creation of one Jennifer Wall, a former winemaker with Barefoot and later Gallo wines who happens to be married to a firefighter. About five years ago she began selling wines under the "Three Alarm" label and the rest, as they say, is history. Or rather would be history, if it were interesting enough to be remembered.

What is great about Three Alarm Cellars is that a percentage of the proceeds of each bottle sold goes to the Alisa Ann Ruch Burn Foundation, an organization that works to enhance the lives of burn survivors. While that may not be a theme that puts you in an overly celebratory mood as you're sharing wine with your friends, it's a great cause and is highly deserving of support.

If I might digress for a moment. I love the fact that so many of the low-budget wines we've reviewed give money to charity. Whether it's Trinity Oaks planting trees, or Amaicha building schools in South America, or Dog House giving guide dogs to the blind; I love it. Which makes me think, why the Hell would I buy any other wine? Seriously, why? Do I want my money to enrich a Rothschild, or the rest of humanity? Screw it. I want everybody out there to take this vow with me: To only buy wines that donate the proceeds to charity. Or, well, to only buy wines on those occasions when not buying wine for this blog that give the proceeds to charity. Or, well, with everything else being equal, to choose the wine that gives the proceeds to charity over the one that doesn't, provided there isn't a significant drop in taste or quality. Awesome!

We did it! We saved the world!

I love Three Alarm Cellars California Red. I love it because, after days of trying to map out its flavor profile, I've come to realize it tastes like bourbon. Jim Beam, to be exact, although with hints of chocolate and anise, which in no way makes Jim Beam seem less manly. It's also very fruity, in a macho sort of way. Like watching Chuck Norris smash cherries with his head. No, wait, not with his head. With his balls. Yeah! Like Chuck Norris totally destroying cherries with his balls while killing a man with his bare hands.

I recommend Three Alarm Cellars California Red most highly. It pairs well with bourbon. I don't, however, recommend smashing cherries with your balls. Or drinking bourbon with your wine.

Bourbon and wine

feel like you're dyin'

9 out of 10.

Harris Teeter, $7.49