I vigneti di Albino Armani Pinot Grigio 2008 (GUEST REVIEW)

My brother-in-law spoils us. Thanks for the guest review, Tom!

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My first assumption about this wine was that Albino Armani somehow translated to “overpriced white suit.” It doesn’t. I don’t know what it means, but it doesn’t mean that.

That faulty assumption, coupled with the reasonable price, led to another faulty assumption, which was that this wine had to be Californian, because only a Californian would stick a name like “Armani” on a white wine and couple it with the word “albino.” It just seemed too cutesy to be legitimately Italian.

But it is legitimately Italian. Apparently, these Armani’s make wine and have no direct relationship with Giorgio Armani, who makes suits. And they don’t speak English any better than I speak Italian, judging from the back of the bottle, which says the wine is “crisp and clean with apple and pear taster.”

All of which leads to an interesting problem. See, if this was a cutesy California winery’s attempt at pretending to be Italian, the $8.99 price tag would indicate they were at least turning out a decent product; otherwise, their Albino Armani wine, which isn’t actually named for Giorgio Armani or his suits, would be on the $4 rack with the Matthew Fox wines, which aren’t actually named for Matthew Fox, and beside the 1.5 liter bottles of Sutter Home wines that sell for eight bucks (which I am feeling a strong urge to review in the not too distant future if Mike and Joy don’t fire me first).

This, however, is a genuine “Product of Italy.” It says so on the bottle. And generally, Italians know how to make wine, which means this wine should cost a lot more, unless it really isn’t all that great.

Which it isn’t. The apple taster I recognize, but I think the pear is a mistranslation. The wine tends to be somewhat sweetish on first sip, which is where the apples come in, but it quickly gives way to a tartness that is less than pleasing and leaves me with a sense that I have just finished eating a salad smothered in way too much Italian dressing. So, I have to assume that by “pear,” these crazy Italians actually mean “vinegar,” which is nowhere near as good.

Which is too bad, because a really good underpriced white wine named after a really showy overpriced white Italian suit would have been a really good find, no matter where it actually came from.

3 out of 10

Bloom, $8.99