Williamsburg Winery Two Shilling Red 2007

Ah, Williamsburg. I fondly remember going to Colonial Williamsburg one January in the freezing cold with Joy and our daughter Sofi, hoping to get a little mini-vacation in during a couple days we had off work. We drove several hours to get there only to discover it would cost us $35 apiece for a ticket. Having already spent our last shillings on a room at the inn, we were left to wander the streets in the freezing cold, trying to see as much of the town as we could get away with while avoiding the accusing eyes of the surly, colonial-bedecked college students smoking in the restored village doorways. Eventually we gave up, had lunch, and went back to the hotel, content that seeing people in funny costumes talk with affected patois is, truly, in no way worth that kind of money.

This past Sunday Joy and I attended the Great Grapes Wine Festival in Reston, VA. We really hadn't planned to attend, but being in the area, anyway, and having nothing better to do, we decided to stop in. Little did I know that admission, with the right to drink, would cost $25. That's not, perhaps, an unreasonable price for the chance to sample dozens of wines from a number of the best wineries in Virginia, but let's look at this mathematically, please. I review $10 bottles of wine for a living. For $25, therefore, I can enjoy 2 1/2 bottles of wine, or more. So to make this particular $25 cost-effective, I would have to drink the equivalent of 2 1/2 bottles of wine while standing in the middle of a parking lot on a hot Sunday afternoon. Granted, at one point in my life I might have considered that fun. But only if Metallica were playing that night.

I can tell you what I did find a lot of fun: Listening to the residents of Fairfax County straining to wax intelligent on the intricacies of wine manufacture to professionals trained in the field. I'm not sure why being knowledgeable about wine is somehow equated with class but the more status-conscious in this, one of the richest counties in the U.S., almost could not contain themselves. That they were all drunk made it that much funnier.

"Oh, I see. Mmm. I smell raspberry. Made from raspberries? I see. Very clever. What? You mean they didn't use grapes, at all? What?"

"I'll bet this white would pair very well with . . . uh . . . fish?"

"They used Cabernet with the Chambourcin? How whimsical!"

Anyway, of all the wines I sampled in the short window of time allotted to me before I succumbed to sun-stroke, the Williamsburg Winery stood out. As a result, that night at Wegmans I decided to purchase a bottle of their Two Shilling Red for review. As a moniker, I feel "Two Shilling Red" aligns with this blog's mission quite nicely.

It's a nice medium-bodied red with a lot of fruit. I get a taste of cherries and perhaps blackberry. It's an easy-drinking wine that I think would pair well with anything, but mostly with good company.

Just drink it and enjoy it.

7.5 out of 10.

Wegmans, $6.99

Old Moon {Old Vine} Zinfandel California 2007

I realize that I am way overdue for a blog post. I've been rushing around lately, stressed out about work and thinking through the first few (scary!) stages of buying a house. Common sense and this blog would tell me to chill out, relax, and pour a glass or two. Instead, I've let my dear husband do all the drinking for the both of us while I routinely pass out on the couch after dinner due to simple exhaustion. There isn't anything much worse than waking up in an awkward and uncomfortable position on a hot leather couch, seeing a half empty bottle of wine, and realizing that you hadn't had a single drop of it. Oh, and it's so late that you realize you have to be at work in four hours. Now, I'm still stressed, don't get me wrong, but I'm not as overwhelmed as before. There's only so much I can control, right? Truthfully, I'm just sick of Mike hogging all the wine. I wasn't exaggerating the sight of half-empty bottles. I guess I should also be concerned about the amount he consumes solo on a fairly regular basis? Nah, he's Irish, so it's all good.

That being said, let's get this party STARTED.

Tonight's selection tastes like summer. Creamsicles! Cherry creamsicles, to be exact. Does that sound ridiculous? The 'hint of vanilla' is more like a 'heap of vanilla'. The cherries and other fruit spices accent the vanilla flavor, instead of the other way around. That's ok though, because a wine that evokes a summer-y flavor like creamsicles is worth the purchase. Enjoyed with the recent 90+ degree weather we've had in the DC area the past few days, this wine has managed to relax me. I'm no longer terrified of the thought of home-ownership looming in the near future. Instead, this wine has me considering decks, outdoor grills, porch swings, and the proximity of potential homes to the local pool. Oh, and my all-time favorite thought: sipping a glass of this wine while sitting on my adirondack chair, constructed by the Amish of course.

8.5 out of 10.

Trader Joe's, $5.67

Duplin Carolina Red Muscadine

This year I will not be going to the Outer Banks. I love the Outer Banks, but because Joy and I are going to buy a house we can't really afford to go anywhere. It makes me sad. I love the miles and miles of unspoiled beach between Nags Head and Hatteras, and if not for my pasty complexion (which sunburns too easily) and fear of hurricanes, I'd probably live there. The other day, as I wandered through Safeway during my lunch break, I stumbled across this bottle of wine that said "Hatteras Red" from Duplin vineyards and I had to sample it. Hatteras Red, I figured, is the next best thing to being there.

Other than, you know, being somewhere else. . .

I mean if I had the choice between traveling and a bottle of wine, I'd travel. So then the bottle of wine is the next best thing to being there, or somewhere else nice. It helps ease the boredom of staying home, anyway.

Duplin vineyards is quite the winery. They are the largest winery in North Carolina (for what that's worth) and have won quite a few awards. They also have an unbelievably large assortment of products. The Hatteras Red, made from the muscadine grape, is terrific. It's sweet, but not too much so, and quite delicious, with a fuzzy, peach taste to it. I could drink it all night, except that it has kind of a girl-drink quality to it and I'm much too butch. But for those less masculine than I, I recommend it highly.

Pick it up when you next visit the Brew Thru.

9 out of 10.

Safeway, $8.48

Oak Lake Vineyards Merlot

Awhile back my brother suggested that, since we're blogging about cheap wine, I might want to venture into the back corner of the local convenience store and pick up a few bottles of those $2.00 wines typically chosen by hobos. I scoffed, but then this past week at the local CVS I bought a bottle of the cheapest wine in the drug store. The difference, I suppose, is that its alcohol content has not been elevated in any way; it's a very sane 13%. But CVS doesn't specialize in finding low-priced wine deals like Trader Joe's. So it's a safe bet I'm not going to enjoy it.

First off, there could be nothing less interesting about Oak Lake Vineyards. They don't specify year or attempt to sell their wine through any means other than price. No fancy label. No web page. Nothing. In fact, googling Oak Lake revealed nothing other than a reference to it winning an award of some kind in 2008; a bronze medal during the San Francisco Chronicle wine competition. The fact that it's called "Oak Lake" in and of itself bores the Hell out of me. Oak? Really? You couldn't call it something more inspiring? What about Great California Sequoia Redwood? Now that's a tree. Blah blah blah, oak barrels and aging. Blah blah. You bore me, oak enthusiast. And by the way, didn't we review Oak Leaf awhile back? Wasn't that the cheapest wine at Wal-Mart? Why are cheap wines always named "oak?" Is it because they're aged in steel?

Anyway, the Oak Lake Merlot delivered exactly what it should; an inexpensive drink. It's a bit sour, but in a pleasant way. There's a good bit of cranberry in there, which I quite like. I wouldn't show this wine off to my friends, but it's an excellent wine to pick up if you're desperately racing to your local CVS at 11:55 pm, hoping to get there before alcohol sales are cut off at midnight. It will pair very well with cigarette smoke and inane 2:00 am conversation. Drink it while cursing your boss and calling your ex-girlfriend to ask her why she dumped you.

5 out of 10

CVS, $4.99

Villa Maria Cellar Selection Sauvignon Blanc 2007

One thing I've learned about wine over the few months we've been doing this blog is not to believe everything you read. Especially here. I mean, I can always be counted on to give you an honest opinion, but I'm very democratic about things and am far from being a possessor of any sort of knowledge alien to the average consumer. While I drink wine, I do not purport to know any more about wine than anybody else out there, especially you, dear reader. What I'm saying is this: Don't get all carried away following me to the Kool-Aid stand. Your taste is what matters most when choosing wine, and what we express here are merely our opinions. I don't think they are either right or wrong, they're just opinions. And we hope sometimes we're funny.

Before I move on, though, I need to make this disclaimer: Joy is brilliant and always right about everything.

Okay, anyway, I state this to make a point. I am one guy with an opinion, and whenever I am looking to post a review I look for some other opinions out there to try to get a sense for what people are saying. What I find is that I frequently disagree with lots of opinions that are out there. And with good reason. Consumer guidance about wine is, on some level, ridiculous. It changes year to year to year. While some houses may be better than others, they all can frequently suck, and when a wine is reviewed, I firmly believe half the time the reviewer is critiquing the wine's reputation more than its drinkability. Names matter. Reputations matter. But nothing matters more than your nose and taste buds. If you like something, like it. If you don't, I find spit-takes always make for hilarious fun at wine-tastings.

Today I'm reviewing Villa Maria Cellar Selection Sauvignon Blanc 2007 from New Zealand. Doing some research, I've noticed Villa Maria has won a few awards in the past. But I don't like this wine that much. Granted, as whites go, it's infinitely better than the burnt-rubber Floria Joy just reviewed, but it's nothing spectacular. It's quite earthy, with a leafy aroma that brings an image to my mind of boiled cabbage. I should be smelling gooseberry or passion fruit, according to the label, but no, I smell boiled cabbage. What does a gooseberry smell like, anyway? Boiled cabbage? Blech, I'll pass. It does get a little fruitier once you take it into the mouth, but it's nothing spectacular. A little sour, but basically pleasant as new-mown grass.

Unfortunately, Joy gave the Floria a very benignant 5 in her last post, so using the scale she apparently used, this wine is about a 15. But no, wait, let's be realistic here. I give it a 6 out of 10.

Wine.com, $9.99

FLORIA Vin de Pays des Cotes de Gascogne

It's never a good sign when Mike opens the bottle and snorts out a few giggles after taking in the scent. Why do they always seem to be the bottles I decide to review? Where's my 47 lb. rooster?

I like to think our blog is most helpful to those who are just starting to discover wine. Wine for novices, not just the cheap. Those are the readers I think of when I try to describe how much I dislike tonight's selection of white wine. If you haven't ever found a wine you enjoy, or if you're looking for your first taste of white wine, I wouldn't advise starting with this wine. The smell is enough to turn you off but in case you're feeling adventurous, don't take that sip! It's sour and has a sharp taste that leaves you thinking of rubber tires. I've had a couple of glasses now and can't find the 'tropical and citrus fruit flavours' that the bottle claims it has. Considering the success we have found with other white wines lately, this one lands squarely in the 'no, never again' column.

I realize I could be wrong. This is a French, medium-dry white wine and the cost is definitely tempting for those who like whites. Let me know if I'm crazy. I just think that compared to the Amaicha Torrontes and the Fetzer reviewed earlier in this blog, this was somewhat of a disappointment.


5 out of 10. And that's being generous. I've had a few glasses.

The Wine Sellar, $8.99

HRM Rex Goliath Giant 47 Pound Rooster Zinfandel

Last night, for the first time in a long time, I got a really good night's sleep. As a result, I had a variety of crazy dreams, many of which made no logical sense at all. For all intents and purposes, I appear now to be awake. I feel very solid, for one, and my thoughts are very transparent . A certain logical order seems to exist right now that, were I still asleep and dreaming, my reality would probably lack. So, with a margin of error of + or - 5%, I can say with full confidence that I am awake. Good.

So why am I drinking a wine named after a chicken?

Quoth the critic: "At the turn of the twentieth century HRM (His Royal Majesty) Rex Goliath was the treasured attraction of a Texas Circus. People came from far and wide to behold the 47 lb. bird, billed as 'The World's Largest Rooster.' Our label replicates the one of a kind, vintage artwork from the circus banner that hung above Rex's roost and we proudly honor HRM with our premium varietal wines."

Yes. They are honoring a chicken by producing wine. They are not producing eggs. Or, perhaps, the world's biggest KFC. But wine. Because chickens love wine. Because there's nothing that makes a chicken happier than drinking wine. What rooster wants to be up early cock-a-doodle-dooing? They want to be out partying all night, drinking wine and strutting their stuff. Rex Goliath . . . I mean His Royal Majesty . . . likes to par-tay. So let's pay him proper tribute and drink!

To His Most Noble and Holy Majesty Rex Goliath! King of the Coop and Maestro of Good Times! We Pay Thee Honor and Tribute!

Drink, people.

By the way, I really love this wine. Or at least the smell. It's the best-smelling red I've come across in a long time. I would've snorted it if it had been socially appropriate. They say smell is 80% of taste but I'm not so sure, because I kind of fell off the love train once I started drinking. But I do still have a strong case of like. Kind of like when you're in 8th grade and you fail your history test because you're staring at Mary Jo Curvybuns (not her real name) instead of studying. It's like that. A good, bold wine that really does pay adequate tribute to a big-as-hell cock, if that's what you're after.

Meanwhile, now that I have reviewed a "free-range" wine and actually taken the idea seriously, I'm going back to sleep. Unless, perhaps, I am asleep.

9 out of 10.

Harris Teeter, $7.49