The Naked Grape Cabernet Sauvignon

The Naked Grape, as a name, probably refers to the winemaker’s intention to create a natural wine, one that brings forth the pure essence of its fruit, instead of its additives, its container, or the slaughterhouse next door. “Naked,” of course, means pure and natural, and is not used in any way to imply sexuality, even if it is possible to imagine seeing both a woman’s hairy patch and a man’s junk in the brand’s logo. Granted, you might have to squint.

I didn’t really have to squint though, because I have a dirty mind, for which I blame the Fairfax County, Virginia public school system. I still clearly remember my 10th grade psychology class and the day we studied subliminal advertising. Truly it was a heroic day for me since I, and nobody else, spotted the woman’s butt in the whiskey bottle. It took a full twenty minutes, and required me to fight off a dozen other 15 year-old boys who couldn’t wait for their chance to search, but I spotted it; a tiny curved line that turned the corner of the bottle into the crack of a woman’s ass. Alcohol = ass. Lesson learned, Fairfax County.

25 years and three kids later, I publish my very own alcohol-related blog. I came across Naked Grape Cabernet Sauvignon at Target and, now that child-having is safely in the past (I mean, we are finished now, right?) couldn’t resist the dangle of the grapes on the label. I peered into the bottle for a long time, but utterly failed to see ass, which is probably good, since the bottle is green, and pretty women are usually more brownish or pink. Still, the pop of the cork brought forth sweet desire, and my reflection staring back at me was in no way an ironic commentary about anything.

I must admit my palate is a bit out of practice, but the cabernet sauvignon is full-bodied and definitely fruity. Joy pointed out kind some licorice overtones, which can make it seem slightly medicinal (Nyquil, anyone?) but it’s a pretty easy-going, hearty, dry cabernet. The bouquet reminds me a bit of a swimming pool, but also of something very clean, like mint.

Anyway, bottom’s up.

Get it?

7 out of 10.

Target, $6.99